Issue date: 11/16/07 Section: News and Opinion

Dear Pat Robertson,

I am writing to sincerely thank you for being such a senile old imbecile. So senile, in fact, that you've actually come out in support of Rudy Giuliani for President of these United States. It really puts my mind at ease to know that as spiritual leader of one of the most weighty voting blocs in the nation, you're either a) egregiously misinformed, or b) you've overdosed on Centrum Silver and it's now eroding your mental wherewithal. In either case, you, sir, are a great American.

Not only have you succeeded in compromising your own purported beliefs on the issues of gay marriage and abortion, you've effectively forced your constituents to choose whether to follow you, or Jesus Christ. Props to you, Pat. I had no idea that you could be as divisive as the late Jerry Falwell without blaming terrorism on the homosexuals.

You know Pat, when I think about what is wrong with America today, your radiant face is among the first things to pop into my mind. You'll be happy to know that you're right behind your main man Rudy Giuliani himself, who happens to be right behind Al Gore and Teddy Drunkennedy. Speaking of whom, a drink would probably do you some good. Hell, it couldn't hurt.

Pat, I'm going to do you the favor of assuming that you, along with the rest of the in-denial religious right, have absolutely no idea what, exactly, it is that Rudy Giuliani believes. If you had even the slightest clue, I'd have to then assume that in no way, shape, or form would you support him.

I'm going to venture a guess that you were one of the Christians polled of whom 80 percent had absolutely no idea as to what Rudy Giuliani believes about abortion, or same-sex marriage. You're a disgrace. At least Jerry Falwell helped get Reagan elected. That's right. Jerry Falwell was better than you. Did that hurt? I HOPE SO.

You make me sick, Pat. You really do.Even Mitt Romney thinks you're an idiot, and HE'S an idiot. It really couldn't get much worse than that.

Your "lesser of two evils" philosophy is half-baked, to say the least of it. Not to mention what you said about Guiliani being the best candidate to lead the charge in the "War on Terror". What is the "War on Terror", Pat? Do you even know? No. No you don't. I'll bet you think the "War on Terror" is the war in Iraq. If that's the case, you're right about Giuliani. He's all about Iraq.

You say he's tough on crime, but do you even know what that entails? I'll tell you. It entails your Constitutional right to bear arms being ripped away by the federal government. The end times are coming, Pat. You said so yourself. You're going to want a gun or two, you moron. Trust me.

People like you and Giuliani are the reason that conservatism is in its death throes. You're an ideological murderer, Pat. And you're not any the wiser.

Logic would suggest, if you're interested in that sort of thing, that Mike Huckabee would be the ideal candidate for you. He's a retired Baptist minister, for crying out loud. He plays bass in a band, so he's "hip" and "with it" just like you. Dear God, Pat! It's not quantum physics.

I write all of this simply to imply that you, Pat Robertson, are the bane of society. Someone should 700-club you in the head to knock some sense back into your silvery skull. Get a clue, and maybe you'll retain a shred of credibility to help you get back into the game.

Love,

Erin G.

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