Issue date: 1/24/10 Section: Entertainment

One of my favorite lines from Firefly, my favorite TV show ever, is "you are going to the special level of hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater." With this in mind, before I get in my review of Daybreakers, I thought I would share with you just how much I hate movie theaters. Briefly anyway, since I also have to cram a review in this article, but tune in for the next issue when I devote an entire issue to the subject. Now, the reason I bring this up is because I wanted to write a piece about Paranormal Activity and other films like it that make use of handheld cameras and "amateur" cinematography… unfortunately I couldn't do that because I left in disgust after about 10 minutes. As it turns out, it is really hard to get into the atmosphere of a scary movie when a bunch of twits in the back of the theater giggling in the background like a bunch of schoolgirls over a poster of Edward Cullen. Then there's the ruffling of popcorn. Then there is that one funny man in the back who loves shouting out "witty" remarks in between every scene. Point being, noise when I'm trying to get my review on is really annoying… which is why I went to review a movie almost no one has heard about and was rewarded for my foresight by having a theater almost devoid of silence-depriving mouth breathers. Now, onto Daybreakers.

So a virus has swept the world and turned the majority of the population into vampires. Its important to note here that these are real, honest-to-God vampires. Not sparkly vampires that go riding unicorns on a fifth grade girl's diary or the tortured artist vampire that never stops whining over his curse that allows him to break a car in half while playing in a metal band at a rave in some crappy looking nightclub. These are vampires. Fangs, desire to drink from humans, no reflection - VAMPIRES. This does not result in a vampire apocalypse that turns the world into a smoldering pile of crap, but rather free market takes full swing and the world as we know it is recreated to accommodate vampires, which turns out to be surprisingly good business. Since vampires have no reflection, mirrors have to be replaced with cameras, cars have to be made sun-proof, and most important of all, blood needs to be provided. A temporary solution to this is the capture and "blood-farming" of regular humans, but humans are becoming increasingly hard to find, what with them being hunted down and all, so enter Edward Dalton, played by Ethan Hawke, a vampire hematologist tasked with the creation of a synthetic blood that will eliminate the need for the inhumane treatment of regular humans, and also help with the troublesome result of blood deprivation, which includes headaches, nausea, and turning into a freaking strong-as-hell winged blood-crazed monster that has no other desire in life than to lap up sweet, juicy blood. However, Dalton quickly becomes disillusioned when he realizes that the company he works for never intends to stop the practice of farming humans, as the sell of real human blood will always remain a luxury item that people will be willing to pay top dollar for. Dalton then gets involved with a renegade bands of humans, a notable member being William DeFoe armed with his vampire defense gear (which mostly includes a crossbow/shotgun and a Trans Am) who instead asks him to find a cure for vampirism, rather than a synthetic blood substitute, but this plan is flawed in the sense that many vampires would be unwilling to give up their new-found immortality.

Continued...

Page 1 of 2 next >

Article Tools